Day 6


I can’t believe it’s been nearly a week already! March is moving fast.

Yesterday was the first day I struggled with my internet restrictions. On Saturday, I spent my entire day at home: reading, writing and talking to my parents. Yesterday I went outside to spend time with another human being, which was also great. But afterwards I found it hard to get back into things.

I’m someone who gets worked up around planned events. It’s not necessarily anxiety, but I do get into a state of mild excitement in the hours before and afterwards (yay introversion), so it’s hard to focus on anything. Here’s where one of my biggest distraction traps lies.

The guys over at call these things “pacifiers” – things like your phone, TV or computer that don’t necessarily add value to your life, but satisfy the Twitch by giving you a short burst of satisfaction whenever you need it, be that messages, likes, other people’s voices… My #1 pacifier is Youtube, so that’s what I felt myself yearning for in the hours before and after this slightly stressful social event. So much, in fact that I couldn’t much focus on anything else.

Youtube is TV for me. (except it’s better than TV, because you get much more choice). I think it’s quite possibly the greatest thing the internet has given us, and I have learned a lot about life and people thanks to Youtube. I have also watched a lot of cat videos and Vine compilations. Those are the things that keep me mildly entertained when my brain is being too busy, and the things that are a complete waste of time.

Out of all the rules I’ve set myself, sticking to one Youtube video a day is the hardest. I’m having to become very, very picky with the one thing I allow myself in a day, and interestingly enough – what’s becoming harder to do is picking anything at all. Nothing seems worth that precious single spot in my day. I was only vaguely aware of it while I was still binge-watching every day, but the vast majority of Youtube, I can go without. Not that there isn’t enough quality content that I could watch videos for a month without stopping. But somehow, time can still be filled with things that feel worthy.

So excuse me, I’ve got to go write some poems.


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