Day 11. Moments of resistance

In other news, spring is here

I’m currently on a 19-day streak of using the meditation app Headspace. That’s longer than I’ve ever managed to keep it going before, and I’ve even increased the session length. I find myself looking forward to these little pockets of silence now, usually in the morning when I attempt to set my head straight before leaving the house.

Along with regular guided or unguided sessions, the app offers 10- or 30-day packages that are designed to tackle a certain area of life such as Focus, Motivation, Stress and so on. My current package is about Acceptance, and it’s driving me mad. As part of the course, I’m supposed to ask myself the question of what I’m resisting (resistance being what prevents us from accepting whatever we need to accept). I have been doing this every morning for the past five days, frustrated by being unable to find an answer, and have now reached the point where everything is resistance. People upset me. My clothes upset me. The weather upsets me. I have turned grumpy by suggestion.

Clearly that’s my fault and I’m doing it wrong; the problem is that this is happening at a time when I have to be alone with my grump and can’t just turn up the volume on Youtube to tide me over to the next day. I now have to do something about it.

Today, I was resisting my to do-list. There’s one item I particularly do not want to do, so I started doing literally everything else on the list in order to avoid it. As a result, nothing got done. (And I abused my internet time by breaking it up into 5-minute Instagram breaks every 15 minutes or so. Urgh.)
Around 6pm I realised this wasn’t going to get better, so I switched on some instrumental music and sat my arse down. 90 minutes later, I kid you not, I have finally written the essay I’ve been trying to get down for a month, and I have a poem that’s fit to perform in front of people tomorrow. My subconscious has finally bullied me into proper productivity. Only took all day.


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